I stand in the doorway, the steaming cup of coffee for Daniel warming my hand, the steam tickling my nostrils and driving my own sense of desire. I promise myself that as soon as I am done in the infirmary, I will fulfill *my* need for caffeine.

Daniel hasn't moved from the Colonel's bedside since we returned from PX3569 over 48 hours ago. Wait, I'm wrong... Daniel debriefed, showered and changed his clothes...that's it. I'm as worried about him as I am about the Colonel.

The times I've tried to relieve Daniel, to get him to sleep, I was met with resistance and anger so unlike Daniel that I consulted Janet about it, but she wasn't much help. She understood my concerns, but dismissed them with a shrug of her shoulders.

I know Janet is worried about him too, hell we all are. The Colonel, well he is in the best hands possible...medically, there is nothing more that can be done for him. Like Daniel, we are all playing a waiting game. It's all we *can* do.

I'm starting to believe the best part of Daniel is lying in that bed. God help him... and his friends, if the Colonel doesn't make it this time. I don't think his psyche can handle another loss, especially *this* loss.

You know what I hate...right now at this point in my life, standing in this doorway, holding this Styrofoam cup of coffee...I hate the military. I hate the military trappings and their belief of the "don't ask, don't tell" ideal.

I know about Daniel and Colonel O'Neill. You couldn't be as close as the four of us are, and not know. I'm angry that the military holds me back from saying to either of them, "I understand." Because dammit, I do understand. What I don't understand is their inability to trust me.

I guess that is the crux of it...they don't trust me. I know they think they're protecting me from the fallout, if the proverbial shit should hit the fan...but I perceive it as lack of trust, not so much from a military standpoint...but from a friendship standpoint. And that hurts, it hurts me terribly, horribly and to my core.

Trust is a funny thing...we've learned to trust each other to watch our sixes and to trust our sixth senses. We've learned to trust Daniel, the civilian; Teal'c, the alien; me, the female; and the Colonel, the special ops hardened military man. We trust each other with our lives each time we step through the event horizon. Every decision that is made, is based on trust of character. I trust these men, my family, with my life. And they trust me with theirs. But they won't trust me with their secret.

And with a heavy heart I know why. Because it's *their* secret. Something so personal and fragile, that sharing with others who are not ready to hear or acknowledge may shatter it into thousands of pieces.

Because of what we do, love should be locked up and held close to one's heart. To bring it out in the open, tempts the gods, the Goa'ulds, and the fates. The Colonel and Daniel are right...if they don't speak about what they have, if they don't share it with others...if they keep it a secret...their silence will be rewarded.

As I walk towards Daniel, the need on his face to touch the unconscious man in the bed overpowers me. But Daniel is strong, and silent as he keeps his secret close to his heart...and waits.