One Last Giftby devra
I reach out to touch his mind, taken aback when I am repelled. Anger has replaced his other emotions and he has refused me entrance. I steel myself against his walls and push on through. Holding my own as I am overpowered by the sense of failure hiding behind his anger.
Daniel hadn't been ready when I helped him to ascend. *His* decision to join me was clouded by the existence of pain that even the strongest analgesics couldn't conquer. *My* decision to help him ascend was clouded by my need to stop the suffering of one such as he. And in the end.we both suffered from our shortsightedness.
Neither one of us was ready to share with the other our true agendas. The gift of ascension was not what Daniel needed or wanted. The rules too confining .Daniel lacked the ability to observe and not participate. With power at his fingertips, his inability to sit on his hands frustrated him, and he eventually withdrew from me. The reasons I shared for noninterference never penetrating his single-mindedness.
I would be wrong to say that he didn't try. He did.he honestly tried to live by my rule, their rules.the rules of the Others. Out of obligation to me he did his best. But soon Daniel tried circumventing the rules, then bending.finally stretching them to the point where they broke and shattered.
I apologize to him as I touch his essence. Sorry for not recognizing how much of his embodiment still resided on earth.how much of him still lived within the mountain, within the confines of his team, in their hearts and in their minds, and though he denies it.especially with Jack. The man who allowed Daniel to leave his earthly form, gave permission for him to move to a higher plane of existence; but steadfastly refused to release him.
I saw what the Others had done to the one called Orlin.they had warned him about his interference.yet they allowed it to occur. Sitting on the laurels which they held in such high regard. In the end.billions of innocent people suffered because of broken rules. And one.Orlin's spirit would never be what it once was. Orlin's first punishment had been his chaining to the planet where his indiscretion had taken place.he was punished a second time.forced to ascend again to live out eternity within the boundaries of their rules. Broken.
I will not allow this to happen to Daniel. I *will not* allow his spirit to be reined in. I took him before he destroyed Anubis. Daniel's actions would have incontrovertibly condemned the people of Abydos to a death sentence. There would have been no need for the Others to reprimand him, pass down any sentence. The death of the people where his heart dwelled would have destroyed Daniel completely.
I realized that this had become a no win scenario from the moment Daniel absorbed the radiation. I could not permit Daniel to leave his world in such a horrific manner and now I will not permit the gentle spirit that drew me to him in the first place to be smothered.
It is for that reason I now convey to him what needs to be done.there will be no destruction of the inhabitants of Abydos.they will walk by my side. I feel his withdrawal, shutting down and shutting off.breaking away. I envelope him.and he fights against me, pulling physically and mentally away from me.screaming his protest at what I am to do.
I force him to view the consequences.asking him why he feels being one of the Ascended is now the punishment he believes it to be. I am shocked at his response and retreat slightly at his revelation.his disappointment, in both himself and me.
I offer him a choice and am not surprised by his response. There will be no second chances, I warn.no change of heart. I feel the warmth of his vivacity wash over me and I know that that will eventually be lost if he is forced to constantly live by the imposed regulations of the Others. Daniel does not need to be shown what he will be missing if he leaves this plane of existence.already he has his heart and eyes pointed to the people he believes he left behind.
He guides me towards him.there is no more anger in him. Daniel's overwhelming gratitude flows into me, accompanied by his thanks.but underneath it all I still sense his belief of failure. He buries it quickly, but not before I touch upon it and shore it up behind the strength of his soul.
There is no more discussion, time does not permit it. This will be a slow and arduous journey of pain and discovery, I explain.but he knows that and is willing to accept it all to rejoin those on Earth.his team.his family. It will be painful and unpleasant, I convey.
"But I will be home, Oma."
I have no choice but to agree, for he is right, his home is not with me, it never was; but with those back on Earth. He has always known that.he just needed me to point it out to him. In the end, I impart upon him a gift to return to those he loves. I guide him down to a place of calm .where he can begin to work through the confusion that will accompany his return to corporeal form.
I pass thoughts to him in a whisper before departing "They will find you.I promise you that Daniel.I will see to it. Wait and be patient."
They will soon gain back what they had all believed they had irrevocably lost. This trek will be hard for all, trust rebuilt, feelings rediscovered; but my gift will allow them to heal one another.and to find each other again.
Author's Comments:Thanks to those who shared a living room full of love and sisterhood during Fallen/Homecoming and to those who where there in spirit....a special thanks to jo for the quick beta...
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